Press the Reset Button

   

     I am going to start this post with opening up to you all about some stuff. For roughly four years now I have been taking medication for my GAD (general anxiety disorder) that started to surface around the time of March 2020. At that time I was working in a grocery store running a Beer and Wine Department. I don’t need to explain more but everyone remembers 2020 for sure! I was put on the medication to help create a buffer for my brain against the anxiety that was occurring everyday.

     In 2020 my friend approached me about getting back into Malifaux. I remembered playing it towards the end (at Ripples of Fate I believe). I remember really enjoying it but the group that played it moved towards 8th edition 40k so I sold all my stuff and joined them. Well, that went south because I just didn’t enjoy 40k. Therefore I sold that stuff and just got out of the hobby for a while (until my friend got me back into Malifaux).

     I was immediately hooked into 3rd edition and quickly snatched up Kaeris, Sonnia, and Titania (three masters that I remember really enjoying). I would play those crews and get bored snatching up more and more crews along with selling off the ones I didn’t like to play.

     Fast forward to 2024 and I am currently on the highest dose of that medication along with another antidepressant. (Hold on because that is relevant) About a year ago something odd started happening and it took a friend to recognize it. It started slowly but became noticeable about nine months ago.

     He approached my wife and told her “I am worried about your husband because he is spending A LOT of money on Malifaux.”

My wife approached me about that subject and I agreed with the both of them. I was spending too much money. We looked back at all my spending habits, tracked what I bought, how much I bought, what I sold and all of that. What we discovered was interesting. I knew I always had an issue with money and I didn’t hide that but it increased right around the time of being put on my second medication. It’s not just spending but links back to it. The constant eating fast food, junk food, mood swings, depressive states about various things (including the hobby). When I brought it up along with some other things to my psychiatrist she mentioned that I had what is called “activation syndrome”. It is pretty much an abundance of medication in my system which is leading to these various issues that I have been having for the past nine months.

     Now, I just want to clear the air and say I am not pointing the finger at the medication and saying that it caused all this but it didn’t help it. 

     When I started to think about it. I realized that my indecisiveness (buying and selling habits) to stick to just a couple keywords I believe has hurt me as a hobbyist/miniature wargamer. It hadn’t allowed me to just enjoy the process from beginning to end. I haven’t just grab sprues out of a box, assembled them, primed the models, and paint them to the best of my ability. 

     In all honesty, I have just thrown them together with some paint on them to “try them out.” I will put the keyword on the table once or twice and get bored of it.

     I have never stuck by a keyword through thick and thin to figure out every little detail about it. The strengths and weaknesses, what it brings to the table, how to properly use the models, and etc. Due to that I have been forgetting why I got back into the hobby. It wasn’t to go to tournaments and place on the podium, it wasn’t to figure out game breaking combos, or to gatekeep (also calling models garbage and trash) and it wasn’t about trying to min/max my way to the top.

     The real reason (there is probably another for sure) is that being creative makes me happy. After a stressful day at work and adulting around the house it feels nice to play with plastic figures. It could be in the shape of building models, painting, coming up with color schemes, or working on terrain. There is just something that creativity unlocks in the brain for me that allows me to relax.

     It took a video from Goobertown Hobbies to make me realize something. In the video he talks about how various studies say that creativity plays a vital role in promoting mental health and overall wellbeing. 

     After watching that video I dug a little deeper into that subject and discovered some stuff.

     The main three points are Reliving Stress and Anxiety, Flow State and Positive Emotions, and Enhancing Emotional Resilience

     The first thing that creativity does is it helps relieve stress and anxiety. Research has shown that creativity helps reduce and anxiety according to VeryWellMind.com

There is a fairly successful art programs for soldiers dealing with PTSD. In the programs it helps them express their trauma when verbal communication is challenging.

     The second thing that creativity does is it helps you enter a “Flow State” and develop positive emotions along with it. What is a flow state? Well, it’s pretty simple. Let me ask you this. Have you been so immersed in writing, creating, or dancing that you have lost track of time? That is what psychology calls a Flow State. In the flow state we are focused and mindful, leading to a sense of accomplishment and happiness. According to studies people who experience this flow report higher levels of creativity, productivity, and happiness.

     The third thing that creativity can do is enhancing emotional resilience. What this means is that when someone engages in the creative process, whether it is singing, dancing, painting, drawing or anything else it starts to create new neural pathways in the brain. These increased connections happen especially in the left prefrontal cortex, it makes us more emotionally resilient.

     The benefits are not based on the end product but the creative process itself.

     Armed with that knowledge I went to work on some hobby stuff. I got a wild hair to strip paint off some of my models. I let them soak in Simple Green for nearly a week then scrubbed them. Unfortunately, it ended in disaster as many of the models have bits of primer (a white primer I used) stuck to them.

     While the models are soaking for the second time in a bath of Simple Green I decided it was time downsize my entire collection. I took a look at all my current projects and sat down to think about what ones I would really love to keep, what ones would I actually work on, and what ones I bought just because it was a good deal. 

      Personally, It was my way of just trying to start fresh with a new outlook on this hobby. I wanted a hard reset of the hobby. I needed to wipe my slate clean and start with a very little collection and grow it slowly overtime.

     First, was the Mercenary keyword. I had fond memories of playing them in M2E and played them for a while in M3e. I did enjoy them but they just didn’t do it for me. I felt like they were just to streamline for my liking.

     Second, the performer keyword. This was a purchase that honestly I don’t t know why I made in the first place. Therefore I didn’t mind to part ways with them.

     Thirdly, this was a tough one. I bought the Urami keyword wanting to get into a summoner. After thinking about it I just didn’t want to deal with the shear amount of models I would have to build and paint up. Also, it just didn’t seem like a playstyle I would enjoy. Also, Kirai was one of the models I tried to strip paint from and she was a “lucky” one.

     Lastly, the Woe keyword. This one I was back and forth on for a few days because I know I enjoyed playing it but there was just something missing in it for me. I wanted something a lot more and I couldn’t figure it out. I also really thought if I enjoyed playing them or was it more friends enjoying playing against them. Unfortunately, they had to go as well.

      After the great keyword purge where did they leave me. Unfortunately, not in a good place. My 1988 foundry models and witch hunters models are still soaking in Simple Green (even rubbing alcohol didn’t pull the paint off them). Most of those models have pieces missing, warped, badly assembled or a combination of all (sorry vintage Sonnia for losing your arm and somehow both legs)

     So here I sit wondering what I should do. Do I throw all the models that are currently sitting in Simple Green into a “job lot” and try to get some money back or should I spend more time trying to revive them?

     There is a bright side to all of it though. I got an orange translucent Kaeris core box, Lady Justice core box, and my Fae keyword. Also, I decided that I would like to keep an eye out for good deals on new witch hunter models along with some new boxes of the 1988 models to replace the ones who met their fate at the hands of Simple Green.

     In conclusion, I don’t know if anyone else has had the same problem as I. Just know that at the end of the day what we do is a hobby. It is something we love to do in our spare time. If it starts becoming all encompassing, feels like a “job”, or if it is adding to your already daily struggle there is nothing wrong with just taking a step back. It can be just a few days off, a weekend away from the hobby, or a longer term break. Just keep your mental health in mind because remember being creative and doing creative things have proven to help!

Cheers,

Photon

P.S

I don’t know if anyone will actually read the whole thing as it feels more or less like me opening up. Sometimes you need to do that.